Family Law
Child Custody
Perhaps the most important issue that may arise upon the dissolution of
a relationship is child custody. Custody issues tend to be heated and very
contentious. It is always a good idea to have an attorney if there is a
disagreement as to custody.
In a custody dispute, the Court must make a determination of what custody
or visitation is in the best interests of your child. The Court is not concerned
with you or the other parties' interests, but instead what is best for your
child. To make an effective presentation before a Court, you must present
yourself as a conscientious parent concerned only with what's best for you
child. If you appear overly aggressive or contentious, your chances of success
will fall drastically. Instead, it is important to be assertive, but show
the Court that you are willing to cooperate with the opposing party in a
calm, civil manner.
In some cases, your opposing party may pose a physical or psychological
threat to the child. In these matters, it is important that you have an
attorney in the matter as soon as possible. If you don't act quickly, it
may hurt the credibility of your claim. In these matters, it is important
to push for an immediate emergency hearing to ensure that your child is
not harmed.
North Carolina has a system of mandatory mediation for child custody disputes.
Mediation is a low cost alternative to litigation in which a disinterested
third party tries to assist you and the opposing party try to settle the
matter. Attorneys will not be present at mediation. It is a good idea, though,
in advance of mediation to consult with an attorney to determine what your
rights are with regard to custody to reduce your chances of regrets after
a mediation.
If the Case is not settled at mediation, then the matter will go forward
to litigation. You should never try to litigate a custody matter without
counsel on your side. The Court system and rules are complex and hard to
understand on your own. If you try to do it on your own, you may not be
able to present your case effectively. In any custody matter, the decision
is in the discretion of the judge. It is important, then to make sure that
your voice is heard in an effective manner every time you are in front of
the judge.
After a custody order has been entered, either party may make a motion to
modify custody on a showing of changed circumstances affecting the best
interests of the child. As a result, it is important to abide by the orders
of the Court and be cooperative with the opposing party to ensure the maximum
chance of success.
In every custody case, you should consider doing the following to maximize
your chances of success:
- Comply with every court order, every time.
- Keep a journal logging every visitation or change in custody. This journal should not include your feelings about the other side, but instead simply list every exchange of custody. If there is a trial, this will be essential to help you show the Court that you have been in full compliance. Include events that occur in the child's life and whether the opposing party is in attendance as well as any and all contact with the opposing counsel and the substance of said contact.
- If you are the parent with custody, send the opposing party an e-mail or letter each week giving them an update about any events in your child's life. In addition, note performance at school or any other issues that arise. This is important to show that you are trying to cooperate with them.
- If you are the parent that does not have custody, send the opposing party an e-mail or letter requesting information about your child. Make sure you ask specific questions. This is important to show that you have a continued interest in the well being of your child and may assist you if you wish to have more or longer visitation.
- Do not talk about the case with your child.
- Do not disparage the opposing party in front of the child.